Memphis the model singsvideo

In the Midst of it all..I Lost Me

...........Let me start by saying I appreciate everything everyone ATTEMPTED to do for me. Some things I agreed to & some I was against. I made mistakes but for every bad..I did a ton of good. I'm thankful for the people I've met and the encouragement they gave. Girls who have thoughts of modeling have contacted me asking advice. My advice is..Never let this business go to your head. As quick as you've climbed that ladder, the quicker you can fall. Always show love, & support. Because you need it as well. Always speak your mind but remain professional. No, you don't have to agree with everything PEOPLE want you to do but you have a back bone..USE IT. And never lose that positive image because you have un-seen eyes on you. You're going to be faced with a tornado off bullshit. Keep fighting, your time is near and when people see that you're close to the top, they become crabs, pulling you down.As for me, I'm still learning. I need to work on my patience. So I'm stepping off the scene for a minute and working on my personal projects, mt self, my attitude. My people tell me.."Memphis, youre fans are going to be looking for you, you have people who actually look to you for that motivation. Don't leave. everyone has a moment when they wanna give up. Keep going babygirl." But I just need a break. I'm moving to fast..but I'm not moving at all. I started to lose myself. I feel like the main person I strive to make happy, I murdered her. I try to bring her back, but I keep losing signal. I got to COMFORTABLE with the little things I've acquired. The constant support, love shown when I'm out on the town, the glits & glamor. I forgot about my number one team player. Only time I remembered her is when I felt like the industry forgot about me. I look around for her for advice. Kind of like how we sometimes forget God but when things go wrong..we call upon him. But I'm truly missing my #1. I miss her rawness and her edge. Her strength & her motivation. Her leadership and her assertiveness. She never let a guy lead her own then leave her standing at the "STOP" sign without brushing it off, go her own way, & let it go. They were no match for her. But me, I was getting at these heartless cowards.She knew how to separate personal from business. Whenever I felt like giving up & ending myself..she grabbed me and held on. She held me tightly, looked in my eyes & said.."You're Not Done Yet". She stole everyone heart, changed alot of personalities, became someone people looked up to, wanted to be like, be around. With those qualities, giving up seems wrong and selfish. But I just need to grow and be able to show people some things inside of me. Love me for who I am, and not hate me for who I'm not..When I find her..I promise to return. She promised me that she'll never leave. Those words were like a lullaby. She didn't leave me, but I left her . I chased everything but my dream. So now I'm aiming to change it up. Right now she's underground, and I'm more like mainstream. But I hope one day she'll come and share it with me. Attend these meeting with me, sign these deals with me, star in these movies with me, stunt on these haters with me, by pass these niggaz with me. When they start to ridicule me, I want her to stand these grounds with me. Lol I just miss when we was just on some stupid shit.....Farewell my supporters. I love you, be back when I know EXACTLY what I want to do. 

I always remain strong, & hold my own

Dated a guy who was suppose to soon be my husband. The day he proposed, for some reason I told him no. My heart said "I do" but my mind said "No". So I went with my mind. Glad I did. Our relationship turned violent. To the point I had thoughts of taking him out. He used to try and keep me from my family, I couldn't visit my mother without him becoming angry. He would sit at my job while I worked 12hr shifts to make sure I was cheating. That type of stupid shit is why I kept kickin his ass. Lol when I said "our relationship was violent" I wasn't referring to him kickin my ass. Lol oh no hunny. If a man jump up at me as if I'm a male and he can hit me, then he better be prepared to get his ass hit back. I hate for a man to try and control me. The love I have for my mom is something serious. No man can come between that. So after all his controlling ways and me catching him cheating. I decided to pack my things and leave. He grabbed my shih tzu and hung her out the window. Im like "Motherfucker this is not a scene from "Love Jones" put my damn dog back in the window before you be in her place hanging." So he gave her back to me. I slapped the hell out of him, because my animals are like my children. He grabbed me through me down the stairs and put a gun to my head. He pulled the trigger and it jammed. Wheeew, God saved me. I got up and ran. I came back to his house. He had left because he know I wasn't going to just let that go. I took a golf club, and destroyed everything in my path. I pulled out my sexy Victoria Secret pink lip gloss and left a note on his bedroom wall. It read "You Lieing, cheating, bastard, you've found the right one. Sincerely, THAT BITCH *Mwah "..He later got access to my credit card & pulled 15,00 out of a bank account that my deceased father left for me. Soooooo ya'll know I went crazy right? Betta know it. I invited him over, told him I loved him and forgave him. He entered my home, I walked over to the door, oh so sexy..locked it. Pulled out my knife and cut his ass from ear to chin. Ohhh was pissed. But I felt a little better. He later put a restraining order on me because he knew I wasn't done....I am now though..maybe

Just Like a Hurricane

....After leaving our home due to Life threatening situations. We moved with his father until we found another home. I came home oneday from work & something seemed strange. I saw something in his eyes that didnt sit right. I felt a vibe that I cant describe. Thats how I knew something was about to happen.
THE HURRICANE HIT.........Petty arguments. He used to break down & cry, chase me, grab my bags wheneva I packed them. But everything changed. He said it was because he was being a better him. Code word for "Bitch I'm cheating" When those tears start flowing, & every things different & u feel the pain coming. THATS HOW YOU KNOW ITS COMING. Baby I'm not surprised. You did exactly what i thought you would. As much as Im used to it. That shit hurts each time Im not gone even lie. My heart shattered. & I'm stuck with resentment. I gotta find away to piece my shit back together. Lol damn, can i borrow some of your "Super Glue" because it looks like u covered your heart in it before ever being broken, so u could never experience the hurt that u cause. Tuh, it shows. If u knew how it felt, I doubt if u'd do it to another. But u know how dem niggas be. #careless, #heartless, #selfish Well some men, NOT all


FORGIVE/FORGET....I use to love u so easily, wake up filled with Life. After mistakes u made, I took u back with an understanding that u would change, & I should trust u. But bae, i did. I gave u my all, sacrificed everything for u. My life included u, like really included u. I thought that If I could jst get over what u took me thru, & force myself to forgive u. then we would be ok. But I fought this battle along with no1 to defend me. When I was up against challenges..I turned around & u weren't there. It felt like I was fighting for us..but u were fighting for them. I felt 2nd, even tho I was 1st runner up. You lied once again. You say I argued constantly, its because I knew what u were doing when my eyes were closed. I had proof, but I loved u too much to leave.Bae, I just cant get over how u hurt me. I taught u the true meaning of female love..& u gave yourself to another girl who cared about u not. They see you as the popular guy, I saw u as my Life. They wanted to be in your spot light. I just wanted to make sure u shined. We tried to rekindle our love. But it wasnt the same. It was time to let go. I kept packing my bags, u kept fallin to your knees crying. I kept leaving, but u kept callin me back. I feel like If I cause a man to cry, why would I leave without drying his tears & comforting his soul? I needed u to love me bae, I wanted u to protect me pooh, u made me feel like I wasnt good enough. But I did it all, everything in my power to make u happy. I even gave u the best part of me. Im doing the best that I can..but I..I cant do it. On the outside I was quite, I was silent, but a single tear ran down my face. Bae I was screaming loudly inside. Bae I needed u the most.  So why hurt me? I been here for 2 years. I took care of u when them niggas gunned u down, I was there when that bitch took u thru hell about your daughter. I even beat her ass for u bae. I wish u told me u wasn't happy. What did u do to me? Why the fuck am I still crying? Im soft as hell, I used to be so strong. Why did u lie? I didn't deserve to be treated this way. Them bitches wasn't even worth it. You're now stuck in jail with a fucking colostomy bag, & their not even concerned about u.

ALL I COULD DO WAS CRY.. When he got shot, I stayed in the hospital with him for 2weeks. I was dropped from school due to missed days. My job cut back on my hours and later fired me because they felt my performance wasnt up to part anymore due to tiredness of taking care of him. My car would later be taken due to a promise his mother made to pay a loan off if I took it out to help pay her rent....When I saw his new bitch visiting him in jail. i felt anger because looked what all I sacrificed. Yea, it was my decision but fuck your opinion. I love hard. I saw my love, staring into another woman's eyes. Every moment was a pain in my soul. I pray he never used our words "Til, death due us part"...Ohhhh my Godddd, all I could do was cry. Inside I had already snapped her neck in 1/2 & stuffed it down his throat. But on the outside, I smiled. Their life of pain had just begun, & mines was ending...

YOU MUST DONT KNOW, WHO RAISED ME?.....I met some1 better, so fuck ya. So let me pack my shit, oh and can u pass me my heart back? Imma be needing that. You though that I wouldnt survive if I left< Tuh, don't get to comfortable with that thought. I heard the hurricane hit u, U fallin off and dat bitch aint no where to be found. I remember u yelled "I don't need u, LEAVE!!!" Whoa lil nigga really? But look who u got your fam callin to come visit u? Um, well since I'm not your everything anymore, I wont shed any more tears. Imma sleep well. Lol j/k yea imma come visit u. But the feelings I had for u are gone. But I love u *mwah

My Sweet Angel

By the end of this blog..I'll be in tears......*let it flow*...My sweet angel. I'm strong because u embedded strength into me whether I liked it or not. When I fell, u looked @ me & "Said, I'm not the Father of a weak girl, get up". When these guys break my heart, I fall to the floor in tears, then I hear my daddy. So I get the fuck up & move on. In school, when grades were low...he didn't whoop me..he sat me in front of a book & made me study. I graduated from high school with out ever attending Summer school, repeating a grade, & with a 4.0GPA. You were the only reason I finished school. After your death I thought of dropping out, but I knew u would turn in your grave. I'm Currently enrolled in College as a Medical Assistant, plan on working with children or animals....My sweet angel. You told me I had talent, but I didn't use it until Now. Better late than never...I'm trying to be something great, but having minor set backs, making mistakes but trying to correct them. I pray to God every night & praying that you're smiling. I'm sorry for all the wrong Ive done. I know u see it. I've let guys use me, something u tried to teach me not to do. But u know how it is. But i remain strong. I suck it up & continue doing me. I let so called friends encourage me to do wrong. But I have my own mind. Worked in a strip club, but never took off my clothes. Lol, u can tell I wasn't sure about doin this. I thought of u , and never went back. I second guess myself often.U saw something in me, that til this day I'm not sure If I can be that. But I'll die trying. Mama makes it harder but I think it's her plan to make me show her I can do it. She say things like "You cant be a model, you're not pretty enough, tall enough, talented enough, u always give up". "You wont finish college, your not focused enough.". Damn daddy I wanna run to u. Hug u and kiss u, show u that I miss u, & need u. Need to hear your encouraging words. Need a hug. Need a kiss. Hear "I love u pumpkin"..I remember having a dream of u in a casket. Not knowing a month later it'll be reality. Now I always sleep with my head under the covers.After being shot in the chest for marrying a white woman, being shot in the war, & having heart attacks constantly, working 2 jobs at the age of 50, cigarettes, & drinking beer would be the cause of your death. WTF? 2 in the morning I'm running thru the Med like I'm on the track team. I ran to the room your body was in. My heart dropped, everything froze, the world became silent. I lost u. Its officially over. I feel like I'm dieing real slow. No one understands me. They dnt know what to do when I'm hurt when I'm angry.You were my best friend and my daddy. Everything that I needed u had me. I cant let u go, & I wont.Daddy, if I could I give the world to have u back...I would. I'd pack it up & hand it over. I feel your spirit everywhere. I know it was you that saved me when that guy tried to rape me, when my ex fiancée thru me down stairs & put a gun to my head, it was u that locked the gun up so that I could run. & was you that made the situation minor instead of major when my other ex dropped me & broke my collar bone instead of my pine, or me fallin on my neck.You & God. My sweet angel.....I wish I could grab tightly to your little pinky finger & walk with you like we always did. I hear u saying "Pumpkin don't cry..I'm right here". I wish I could rub your little face & smell your scent. When I'm sleeping I can see u in my dreams with me. If Its part of god's plan..hopefully we will meet again. Protect me God in the hecked world, change my violent ways & keep me in your arms. God, all I want now is peace with out drama. Dear father forgive me.......

Bust it baby.............

There's always a song that reminds u of a certain person. Whn I think of  "Us" the lyrics  to bust it baby by Plies come to mind. When it come to actions.."Bonnie & Clyde comes to mind"..We kick it tough & fuck wit each other on a level completely different from other people. I keep it 100, he do the same. There when needed & I complain never. I stimulate his mind & keep him focused. I maintain a level head without smothering him, when it comes to other bitches..I block them out. Because he's not titled "My man" I give 0% of interest to them...but I still notice it. Don't know why or what happened..but I think I'm gaining feelings.."Shit kind of spooked me". I noticed it when something caught my eye...slick got heated. But instead, I smiled & noticed I need to back up. So I am...................

Nothings Over til You STOP trying

.............After 2years of blood,sweat, & a river full of tears...I finally stop trying. I realized I deserved better & that there were no reason to stay. I feel like if someone allow u to be hurt..then they love u........NOT. I learn from each relationship Ive ever had.....Only 3, but they each grew me up and taught me some major things.....Im still working on this thing called "Patience", but I got "Moving on" down pact. Lol. I started diggin this guy but it seem I could never really get his attention enough for him to want me the way I wanted him to want me. (Not sexually). It came to where he would only contact me wheneva he was available, spent time with me wheneva he was available. 1st time, I was like damn, 2nd time I was like uhhh I'm startin to have a problem with this. So when I realized that "He must think Im his whenever bitch" that Memphis The Model chick stepped up to the plate and layed down the rules on how to play...my way. I got used to jumpin like a fuckn Ninja when I heard his ringtone, & packing my clothes immediately whn he said "Come see me". He's everything I want, & possibly need, attractive as hell, business minded, & very knowledgeable about Life. he's not perfect but damn he da shit shit. Lmao.....But I said "F" that, my time is precious & I know how happy i can make some1...No need to string me along if u dnt plan on upgrading us. MY TURN!!!!!! This time when he called....Nope, I didnt answer. He sent a txt that said "Come here!"..I replyed "I'm sleeping, I'll see you next time I'm available"... Most chicks would lie to hurt their feelings and say they with a new nigga or some. But imma keep it 1milli. It makes that ass feel worse when u let them know "Yea, I'm in bed alone, & No I dnt want your company."

Til Death Due Us part.....

THE BEGINNING: Back in 08 I met a guy who would completely change my Life, my outlook, my mind, & most importantly MY HEART....@ first I wasn't interested because there was something in his eyes that shocked my soul. But me being me..I later fell for him but couldn't understand why. Immediately after committing to this relationship red flags were shown. He started cheating...but what kept me there was the fact when ever he was stuck between Me & Them... I was chosen. It made THEM envy me....I spent 2yrs crying silently, dieing slowly, & losing myself....But I kept holding on.

"I REMEMBER WHEN MY HEART BROKE":....I found out why my soul when into a shock when I first stared into his eyes. One night after his clubbing, & drinking he came back to my home. A night of the usual cuddle up & fall asleep after a great night of sex turned into his phone interrupting him & I sleep. I'm not the type to snoop thru cell phones in fear of getting my feelings hurt. He told me to "Answer it for him" I took a deep breathe & answered it. It turned out to be his girlfriend. Lol, wowwww I wasn't the ONLY love in his life. That was THE LAST STRAW!! (or was it?) I told him to leave, & that I was done...But I guess he wasn't. 1hour after arguing lead to me being in the ER with a broken collar bone.....Lol I went out like a G still talking shit. Lmao

RECOVERY!!!!! I'm thinking damn..why me? As I read his "I'm sorry txts, I'll never do it again, I love u txts"..I couldn't help but feel ANGER, my 1st born nephew was due within the 6months of my healing. I wasn't able to hold him :(. EMBARRASSMENT, Having to tell my family that the 1 I loved did this, GUILT, because I listened to him and answered the phone & went against my character & HURT because I still loved him deep down....
DON'T BE MAD @ ME BUT I............took him back. We started off as friends due to the long distance of me leaving Memphis to attend school. I later moved back home & we committed once again. Still up to his same ways. Cheating and lying. No he didn't fight me...But that memory always remained. My mama said "No matter how low down a man is, or how he mistreated u TRUST!! God knows your heart & whenever a person who wasn't deservant of the treatment but remains with a good heart will always be NEEDED..watch God change things".....
HE NEEDED ME MORE THAN I NEEDED HIM:....I see myself as WIFEY material. I cook, clean, wash, massage, great sex, spoil, I'm business minded, street smart, hold him down, got his back, allow him to lead, until he merges into the wrong direction..I mean I do it all. "My heart BIG, but it beats quietly"..Thru the jail time, the surprise baby, the family beef, & all...I remained 10 toes down. He was like the Hood Star. Which accumulated more girls, more problems. But all I wanted was for him to protect my pride and defend my honor. Damn!!!! I deserved that. Tuh, I should've cheated as much as he accused me of cheating...but could never prove it....His favorite line was "Til Death Due Us Part"...Later after we vowed those words...he was found on the club floor with 4 bullet wounds to the abdomen. I found out he went to the club to meet a girl because him & I lived together...Tuh, still cheating huh?..I rushed in after hearing the shots fired, fell to his side and didnt leave. We entered the hospital I was faced with ex's, babymama, side bitches, groupies. Lol I stood my ground & blurred dem bitches out my vision. My main focus was praying with him for his LIFE. I stared him in the face while he screamed, cryed, prayed, & repeated "Til Death Due Us Part Baby"...After 2weeks in the hospital..He was discharged. God heard my prayer "God if u let him keep his life I swear to stick by him thru sickness & in health, I'll do my job and nurse him back to health. It doesn't matter how u leave him.. Just let him live PLEASE!!!!" So he did. I was bathing him & cleaning colostomy bags filled with bodily bowls. YOU HAVE TO HAVE A STRONG STOMACH TO DO THAT. But I loved him. I don't believe in breaking promises....You would think he'd FINALLY see that there's no need to cheat..because I proved time and time again...I was IT!
TIL DEATH DUE US PART? DEATH CAME SOONER THAN EXPECTED.....He went to jail on a driving charge, I came to visit...but something was different.. I immediately got a bad vibe while waiting to go up to visit....When it was my turn to visit. SURPRISE! His new bitch was sitting in my fuckin spot, talkin to my muthafuckin nigga. Im thinking, I know damn well this bitch dont think she gone take my spot, I been there thru it all. Iv'e already beaten da fuck out of his babymama for disrespecting me, I guess its time to make another example. But something kicked in......Let HIM go......So I looked him in the eyes...& said "I didnt deserve this, & u dont deserve me...I love u, but I love me more.. Enough is enough...Goodbye".........& I DIDN'T RETURN BACK TO HIS LIFE. But I pray for his healing and him every night.

THE PHOTO SHOOT EXCLUSIVE WITH MEMPHIS THE MODEL

Memphis The Model (All Facts No Fiction PROMO)

Every1 u meet is not meant to be your man/girl....

When I was in middle school...there was a guy whom I had the BIGGEST crush on....1 problem....He was in high school, so popular, & im sure he would've never looked at me as some1 he'd date. I was so boyish, scalp braids to the back, skinny with NO curves at all...anywhere. Lol. After I graduated from high school. Got on my ishh, own car, own house, job, became more into the PRETTY GIRL look, found my swag & confidence at the same time, I one day caught his eye. We clicked, started kickin it. But we never OFFICIALLY DATED. lol we argued every now and then but we were back cool by the end of the day. I pay attention when guys give advice & it MAKES SINCE. I remember one day we were in the car, my friend was in the back seat arguing with her boyfriend. & ladies, u know how we get when we get off the phone after a argument...we wanna txt because we didn't say EVERYTHING we wanted to say. She txts him...he didn't reply...so she resent the txt..he still didn't reply. So my friend turns to her and say the realest ishh "Never #RESEND a txt because they didn't reply.  Whether its an arueing txt or a txt pouring your mushy feelings out . TRUST..he got the txt...he either dont give a fuck what it said or how you felt...or u just caught him off guard with what u said & left him SPEACHLESS". He has always been a wise one with words. His personality & way of thinking reminds me of Lil Wayne...#sexy

I played 2nd but I felt like 1st.......

I always say "I could never play 2nd". Until......I met a guy who was already in a relationship. He told me everything upfront...which made me have mad respect for him. Its like, we can tell each other EVERYTHING, including the honest to GOD truth without anyone getting hurt.We started off as JUST FRIENDS...but u know how that go. It was like we got so close to the point were we were able to finish each other sentence. We caught ourselves saying the same thing @ the exact same time. Like twins. We started to act alike. Our goofy spirit connected. What I enjoyed the most is that there is no title to what we are to each other. We're not in a relationship. We're not in love. We.... enjoying each others company. I dislike that he's in a relationship, but I'm glad that he is. He cant fall in love with me, & I cant allow myself to fall in love with him.......or can we?..Lol naw, we just cool peeps. & I wouldn't change it for the world. I love the fact that when he gives advice, I try it...& its beneficial. He's business minded, educated, supportive, & more. *sighs* yep thats my homie...nothing more..nothing less

Have You Ever..........

#Haveyouever...met someone, you both immediately click, converse daily, txt nightly, but see each other occasionally? You decide to take it a step further. In hopes of creating something magical. Then every things all of a sudden different. You think of them less, txt every now and then, converse never, see each other....ummm well only on the net. So you try to get everything back to how it USED to be. So u txt, no reply. Wait a while..txt again...no reply. So your thinking "Damn...just like that?"..So the next step is to LET GO...Things happen for a reason & maybe it was best that nothing came of "What you two had"...I don't regret my past...just the time wasted when certain people (shrugs shoulder)