THE BEGINNING: Back in 08 I met a guy who would completely change my Life, my outlook, my mind, & most importantly MY HEART....@ first I wasn't interested because there was something in his eyes that shocked my soul. But me being me..I later fell for him but couldn't understand why. Immediately after committing to this relationship red flags were shown. He started cheating...but what kept me there was the fact when ever he was stuck between Me & Them... I was chosen. It made THEM envy me....I spent 2yrs crying silently, dieing slowly, & losing myself....But I kept holding on.
"I REMEMBER WHEN MY HEART BROKE":....I found out why my soul when into a shock when I first stared into his eyes. One night after his clubbing, & drinking he came back to my home. A night of the usual cuddle up & fall asleep after a great night of sex turned into his phone interrupting him & I sleep. I'm not the type to snoop thru cell phones in fear of getting my feelings hurt. He told me to "Answer it for him" I took a deep breathe & answered it. It turned out to be his girlfriend. Lol, wowwww I wasn't the ONLY love in his life. That was THE LAST STRAW!! (or was it?) I told him to leave, & that I was done...But I guess he wasn't. 1hour after arguing lead to me being in the ER with a broken collar bone.....Lol I went out like a G still talking shit. Lmao
RECOVERY!!!!! I'm thinking damn..why me? As I read his "I'm sorry txts, I'll never do it again, I love u txts"..I couldn't help but feel ANGER, my 1st born nephew was due within the 6months of my healing. I wasn't able to hold him :(. EMBARRASSMENT, Having to tell my family that the 1 I loved did this, GUILT, because I listened to him and answered the phone & went against my character & HURT because I still loved him deep down....
DON'T BE MAD @ ME BUT I............took him back. We started off as friends due to the long distance of me leaving Memphis to attend school. I later moved back home & we committed once again. Still up to his same ways. Cheating and lying. No he didn't fight me...But that memory always remained. My mama said "No matter how low down a man is, or how he mistreated u TRUST!! God knows your heart & whenever a person who wasn't deservant of the treatment but remains with a good heart will always be NEEDED..watch God change things".....
HE NEEDED ME MORE THAN I NEEDED HIM:....I see myself as WIFEY material. I cook, clean, wash, massage, great sex, spoil, I'm business minded, street smart, hold him down, got his back, allow him to lead, until he merges into the wrong direction..I mean I do it all. "My heart BIG, but it beats quietly"..Thru the jail time, the surprise baby, the family beef, & all...I remained 10 toes down. He was like the Hood Star. Which accumulated more girls, more problems. But all I wanted was for him to protect my pride and defend my honor. Damn!!!! I deserved that. Tuh, I should've cheated as much as he accused me of cheating...but could never prove it....His favorite line was "Til Death Due Us Part"...Later after we vowed those words...he was found on the club floor with 4 bullet wounds to the abdomen. I found out he went to the club to meet a girl because him & I lived together...Tuh, still cheating huh?..I rushed in after hearing the shots fired, fell to his side and didnt leave. We entered the hospital I was faced with ex's, babymama, side bitches, groupies. Lol I stood my ground & blurred dem bitches out my vision. My main focus was praying with him for his LIFE. I stared him in the face while he screamed, cryed, prayed, & repeated "Til Death Due Us Part Baby"...After 2weeks in the hospital..He was discharged. God heard my prayer "God if u let him keep his life I swear to stick by him thru sickness & in health, I'll do my job and nurse him back to health. It doesn't matter how u leave him.. Just let him live PLEASE!!!!" So he did. I was bathing him & cleaning colostomy bags filled with bodily bowls. YOU HAVE TO HAVE A STRONG STOMACH TO DO THAT. But I loved him. I don't believe in breaking promises....You would think he'd FINALLY see that there's no need to cheat..because I proved time and time again...I was IT!
TIL DEATH DUE US PART? DEATH CAME SOONER THAN EXPECTED.....He went to jail on a driving charge, I came to visit...but something was different.. I immediately got a bad vibe while waiting to go up to visit....When it was my turn to visit. SURPRISE! His new bitch was sitting in my fuckin spot, talkin to my muthafuckin nigga. Im thinking, I know damn well this bitch dont think she gone take my spot, I been there thru it all. Iv'e already beaten da fuck out of his babymama for disrespecting me, I guess its time to make another example. But something kicked in......Let HIM go......So I looked him in the eyes...& said "I didnt deserve this, & u dont deserve me...I love u, but I love me more.. Enough is enough...Goodbye".........& I DIDN'T RETURN BACK TO HIS LIFE. But I pray for his healing and him every night.
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